today was okay. i don't have anymore cigs, so that kinda sucks. went to stat and religion; fell asleep in religion. got myself a soy caramel machiatto at starbucks in grand central and got on the train. i had to take a cab from the station because my dad likes making my life impossible. i got home and made myself a yummy wrap with alfalfa sprouts, tomato, avocado, tofu, and veganaise. i just had my first workout with page. i feel amazing. pilates and yoga are my new loves =]

if only we could heal ourselves.

i'm so sick of being sick. i'm also sick of doctors not knowing what's wrong and going through a bunch of tests only to find out things i already knew. ehhh, whatever. i didn't go to school thursday or yesterday because i was sick, and i feel horrible about it. i missed my music exam, so i have to make that up next week, as well as take statistics and weather and climate exams. i'm terrified. this semester turned out to be way harder than i expected. i also haven't been to a show since i saw dallas in january. i feel like it's been forever. i really want to go see kimya dawson on the 10th, but brooklyn is pretty far. lost is awesome this season. i finished watching all 11 episodes of haunted. i'm pretty sure matthew fox is amazing in any show he's ever been in. that show had billie joe from green day and mark from blink 182 guest star in a couple of episodes. that was awesome. i'm now on trailer park boys season 3. this is my second time renting the dvds from netflix, but, hell, they really should show that shit here in the states. hosea won top chef, which i am extremely unhappy about. i really wanted carla to win, but i knew that wasn't going to happen. stefan really deserved it; he was the best chef there. all hosea cared about was beating stefan; he was a whiny little bitch. fabio should have been in the finale. i want myself a european man, or a canadian one lol. anyway, i woke up at 5:51 for some reason and couldn't go back to sleep, but i'm getting kinda tired. laterrrr.

it always ends up the same...

conor doesn't feel the same way. it kinda sucks, but i'll get over it. i had 2 quizzes today; they were meh. i'm currently finishing up a paper due tomorrow so i can shower and watch house. hugh laurie is a sexy man, even though he could be my dad. sean penn won the best actor award at the oscars yesterday. that made me happy because milk was amazing. james franco and seth rogen did a reenactment of pineapple express that was hilarious. ben stiller also made fun of joaquin phoenix and that was pretty awesome too. anyway, time to finish this damn paper and make a study guide for my music exam...

and i will starve for you. will you know how to stay brave?

this week hasn't been too bad. i had no school on monday, so i chilled around the house and tried some new recipes that did not turn out so well. tuesday was just like any other day. wednesday i went to the eye doctor for the first time in 95843054235 years. my eyes are fine =] yesterday, i went to my music class and then left school because i felt like shit and didn't feel like waiting 3 hours and 45 minutes for my next class, which i'm not too fond of to begin with. today, i had a meeting with my religion professor, who also loves lost =D and i gave kristen her presents (alexis heart skull belt buckle and a cancer bats shirt). i'm going to revolution for a bit for kristen's birthday party tomorrow night. i don't really want to go, but i will because she really wants me there. i have so much school work to do i need to clean my room, put away some laundry, get started on that, and watch the soup tonight. conor comes back from germany tomorrow. i want him to get in touch with me so we can talk about things. i miss him. i don't think i've ever not spoken to him for this long. i don't know if he likes yuliya back or not. the thought of it hurts and scares me a lot. what is it with guys liking crazy bitches?

"i sink now to the ocean floor cause i know that we are more but i made this mess, i built this fire, are you still mine? cause baby i'm not alright when you go, i'm not fine. please be all mine. i never want you to go because i am all yours, so please be all mine."

today's the day.

i'm going to tell conor how i feel. i'm terrified, but i'm glad i'm finally getting it off my chest. hopefully he feels the same way. adi slept over wednesday to thursday. i've missed her. we watched lost and top chef wednesday night and made a kick ass pasta salad. yesterday, we went out for breakfast, and then went to the galleria. i got a cute plaid shirt, a purple vest, shampoo and conditioner to fix my hair, wicked, and incense. she got a really cute pair of jeans and turtle neck. then we ate lunch, walked to metronorth and parted ways. i hope to see her again soon. she's one of the few friends i can trust with anything. today, i'm heading to 711 to pick up smokes, and then going to meet conor at union, and maybe go for some jamba juice with him. wish me luck!

this semester is going okay so far. i've gotten a lot closer with leah, which is cool. i still get to see all my west people. my classes are pretty hard, but meh. my dad is now unemployed, and does absolutely nothing besides drive us places. i'm still stuck doing most of the laundry and cooking for myself and sometimes everyone. i feel like nobody appreciates what i do and everyone just criticizes me. i still really like joe, but i feel like that's going nowhere. i was going to go up to albany this weekend to see becky before she goes to ecuador next week, but i have three quizzes on monday and my parents told me not to go. i'm upset and now becky's mad at me. i really want a juicer. i found one for $40 online, but my mom complained about how much money i "waste," even though i don't spend money on anything besides food and birthday presents for friends. concerts are totally not going to happen. i wanted to go to the ap tour to see courtney and 3OH!3, and Bamboozle for the same reason and because awesome bands are playing. i have to go to warped because alexisonfire is playing, but tickets didn't even go on sale for that yet. i keep applying for jobs and internships. i had an interview for an internship at the mid-manhattan library last tuesday. hopefully that, or another job comes through. oh, life.

don't tell me what i can't do.

i've been sick again lately. it's been causing me to stay awake, which kinda sucks. however, life is good otherwise. sara slept over wednesday night. we went to 7-11 and i got a great deal on marlboro menthols (2 packs for $8.50). we went to the galleria for a bit, unsuccessfully searched for a flannel for me, and had taco bell for lunch. got back to my house, i did some laundry and we watched the soup and pineapple express. thursday we went to starbucks, nam son and then whatever. she got a second bellybutton piercing and i got my tragus done. it still is really sore, but i love how it looks. i watched the season premiere of lost and i think i finally understand it now. tomorrow's my first day of school. i'm excited, but nervous. i'm there from 9 to 4 with 2 breaks in between. hopefully, i'll catch up with everyone. i wish i could feel good and get some sleep because i really need it. i took a tylenol pm around 20 minutes ago and it hasn't done anything. oh well.